Ok, although I mentioned I will stop blogging, I shall blog today because I felt sad today.

From thursday to today(sat), I actually fell down outside for no apparent reason, and I couldn't get up by myself, the kind passerbys had to carry me up..

Thursday I fell down while walking along bugis street, fortunately that lane wasn't crowded. I think the plastic bag i was holding hit a metal bar, and that mild shock caused me to fell. The stall owners were very kind la, they brought me to sit on the curb and later carried me up. I told the uncle that my legs are weak and I had no strength to stand up. Then he advised me not to come out if I know my legs are weak.. This remarks is quite hurting la, considering what my docter consulted me a few hours earlier at KKH. However, that uncle meant well and it's true.

Sat, I fell down right in front of my mum at the lift there. It was then she found out that I couldn't stand up by myself. She struggled to help me up. I think she felt sad to know abt it la.. I also felt sad that she found out, and I caused her to be sad..

Then after KTV session, went home on mrt, then decided to go to Hougang mall and have a good meal and walk around.. UNfortunately, I fell down again in the middle of the pathway. I just fell down like that. As usual, i couldn't stand up and had to kneel/sit in the middle of everyone. I became the spectable there, everyone was looking at me, wondering why I was sitting there. Then some kind passer-bys came and asked me if i need up. They said they were shocked, coz they saw me just fell like that.. they thought i fainted siaz. The auntie very nice, tried to help me up, but guess i'm too heavy for her la..Then some uncles came along, and asked me to just sit down and stretch my leg.. then I told them that maybe they can help me stand up, and i'll be ok. But they scare later I'll fall again, think they thought i had cramps. (but it's not cramp la, just that no strength to stand up). Ended i sat there, then suddenly the auntie and uncles went back. Well, they are not obliged to help me la, furthermore, they already tried to, but cannot..they are still kind souls..

So I sat there for abt 10-15 min.. I was almost like going to cry loh.. so sad about my illness, why i can't even stand up.. then pondered abt the fact that my doctor kept encouraging me to use wheel-chairs, think it's for my safety... do i really have to subject myself to wheel-chair now?!! all these just came to me.. so sad............

While i was sitting, realize that a kind gentleman was taking glance at me time to time, think he witness my fall and everything.. think he didn't know what to do.. Then after his gf came, he came to me and ask me if i need any help.. He's so kind and helpful.. He carried me up, and i stood up.. but he was still concerned and worried abt it.. so he carried me all the way to a bench to sit down.. Yeah, really thankful and appreciate his kindness.. I thank him and his gf many times. I'm so grateful to him, really.. If i see him again, i must thank him again...

Guess, going out is posing more dangers to me now.. what if i fall down while crossing the road, who will help me up? guess all the cars would be horning at me... what if i fall down while going down stairs, i might be rolling down instead....I think i will go out less ba, only when neccessary, unless got ppl accompany me... I really scare, very scare that it turn up that i might really need a wheel-chair... I don't want, I don;'t want to be on wheel-chair,, I wanna continue walking like all my friends do..I wanna go uni, and go into work life smoothly.. ahhhhhh... my condition recently is not favorable, I seem to be weakening faster and faster day after day... *cry* Someone HELP me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woke up this afternoon and saw my brother tidying up and cleaning the computer desk. Pretty surprised.. my brother actually took the initiative to do some housework.. hehe.. He cleared away a bag of "rubbish".. but then left it on the mid-way of the living room, as expected one.. however, fortunately he left it there and did not throw away.. Coz I suddenly saw my lome project briefing document crushed in the bag.. oh my god... then i decided to do a QC inspection of the "rubbish".. to my horror, quite a number of useful stuff is inside the bag.. e.g statistics formula table, a cd of anime, thesaurus... haha.. I wonder how he decided to threw all these away???

Alot of things on my agenda now, LOMe projects and biochem.. I wanna complete them quickly, however, seems to encounter some critical problems for the lome observations.. some sample sizes are beyond our time limit.. even with another 1 month towards submission, it's still a bit rush though...hopefully can do other stuff of the project in parallel time frame as the observation..

School is re-opening tmr. Gonna commit much more time and effort towards school work and project liao.. So I may not be able to blog as often..