Shit, I very scare, I think I getting nearer to joining the wheel-chair community as each hour pass....My muscles is leaving me in an accelerating rate.... I'm losing my balance.. even walking poses problems for me now.. sad... hai, dun wanna talk about it anymore... BUT I can't stop myself from thinking of it...... I can't do anything about.... Deep inside me I'm desperate... but i've to put on the mask showing ppl I'm alright... Worse, everyone is putting the "handicap" spectables when looking at me... how?!!!? How?!!!!! HOW?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just ignore me, just gonna let my frustration out here..!!!!!!

Well, follow-up on the previous blog entry:

I start to think that perhaps I'm focusing too much on getting the results, that I've neglected the process.. Well, the thing is that, learning is not just about scoring glorious results.. it's about whether you know put the knowledge and skills acquire into good use. The values of learning is knowing that it has benefit you somehow, someway, that you have crystalized the gis of what is learnt... There's really no point to scorin 100 marks for all papers, when at the end of the day, you forget everything after the semester is over.. Not sure if i'm right?.. I used to prefer to score 100 marks and then forget everything... but definately not now.. haha

Sometimes, I should not be so tight over getting the results... I ought to sit back and look at a bigger picture

Fortunately, I'm not a serious victim of "cram-throw-out-forget" in the learning process. It is re-afirm in my SIP.. I believe that I'm still able to understand transports and marketing.. hehe. In fact, I'm able to apply it to an acceptable extent..

SIP seems stressful, with alot of things.... sometimes it seems insignificant... sometimes it seems overwhelming.. this is the results of work instructions that's too brief and broad.. the expectations are not well-communicated across.. I also fault at not managing their expectation of me sufficiently well.. Sometimes it's not that I dun wanna attempt to manage it.. it's I'm an intern there.. so I should follow instructions.. but it seems to me that instead, they have given me the responsible to plan the project and schedule my work,,, this is the impression i got.. However, sometimes i wonder what is the project in-charge for? Since the person has ownership over the proj and is a brain-child of it.. should't the person be responsible for all the nitty-gritty planning, tasking and work schedule.. hmmmm... strange.. Well i just want to be a nice boi, doing his job well and competently.. anyway, since i;m tasked already..i should be responsible... however, i'm seems to be getting new responsibility everyday.. it's like snow-ball, things keeps on adding on... or it's because i didn't plan well and didn't scope my responsibilites subtantially.. well, that's something i've to analyze..

haha, perhaps i'm stressed over nothing... but the project is really coolz.. just that i'm not provided with enuff resources..

yawnz.. getting tired before 12 nowadays.. good nitez

haha, got back my results le... it reached my mobile without me knowing... I was still eating lunch with my boss, while waiting nervously for results, when i've already received it.. haha...

It was when the boss wanted to go eat ice-cream, and when placing orders, i took out my hp to check time... haha Oh my god, results is in my phone le... suddenly nervousness increased many times.. even my colleagues and the boss are shaking beside me.. with me... haha.. coz i acted too nervous..

then open the msg, wah..... 2 As and 3 Zs... well, the first reaction is extremely happy, so happy that i unknowingly announce my results... my colleagues were cheering with me... haha.. nice ppl...

Then my boss said, she found a good reason to eat ice-cream now.. she treated us the ice-cream.. 1 scope $3 something sia..

Then think think abt the results, suddenly not happy le... y not all Zs haiz.. the 2 As are QM and MM.. haiyo.. QM expected Z one.. but anyway..I studied really last min... haha.. so 3Zs 2As already very heng liaoz. hehe

haha, got news about my internship company this morning..hehe

I'm attached to TNT Worldwide Express, at parkway parade.. Big company sia, and it's the Asia Headquater.. hehe.. By the way, I'm attached to her marketing department.. hehe, but it's still logistics related la=]...

I read the job scope, it's research on transport, sea freight.. etc.. and also competitors and consumers analysis..preparing report.. data entry. etc etc.. coolz sia, both marketing and logistics stuff together=].. In fact, i like marketing.. the subject la=]

So anxious, looking forward to it =]

haha, guess what?!! I had insomnia again.. but not that serious one..

at 10.30pm, I was already preparing myself to sleep, I even burnt the "sleepwell" aromatherapy blend... Think I fell asleep at 11 something.. Sadly, I suddenly woke up at 3 am, for no apparent reason.. then I can't go back to sleep again, no matter how hard i try... try until 5, then give up, dun sleep le.. However, at least i slept for 3-4 hours la,, so not that bad... and at least I won't oversleep and be late for the SIP launch day.. keke..

Nothing to blog about now.. after the sip launch, guess will have alot of things to say ba...

So anxious to find out which company i got attached to.. keke

In the Land of Clow, a teenaged Syaoran returns from archaeology did where he is working. He is greeted by his old childhood friend, Princess Sakura. Sakura wants to confess her feelings for Syaoran, but gets interupted before doing so. Later, she meets Syaoran at the ruins where her latent powers become active and wings (tsubasa) appear as a mysterious person attempts to kidnap her. Syaoran prevents Sakura from being taken, but now Sakura is unconscious and her memories appear to be gone. She will die unless she can get help from the time-space witch Yuuko. The priest-mage Yukito sends Syaoran across space and time to another universe where Yuuko resides on Earth in Japan. There, they not only meet Yuuko, but also Kurogane, a powerful ninja who was sent there by Princess Tomoyo from her universe to learn the true meaning of strength. And finally they meet Fai, a powerful mage and creator of Chii in his world. He's on the run from a sleeping ruler named Ashura.

Yuuko agrees to grant all of their wishes for a major price. For Kurogane, he must give up his sword in order to travel through dimensions in the hopes of returning home. For Fai, he must give up the tatoos that his magic comes from so he can stay on the run. For Syaoran, he must give up his current relationship with Sakura to travel to the dimensions to find the feathers of her wings which contain her memories. And Sakura, though unconscious, must give up her memories of Syaoran.

Together, the four set off with the critter Mokona, who can locate Sakura's feathers, who can open doors between universes, and who can communicate with Yuuko when needed.

Hee, Daddy gave me $150 yesterday to buy officewear.. hehe.. So it's good to open my mouth to ask afterall... initially a bit scare that my dad will scold me.. haha.. but didn't.. I asked for $100, and told him it's for my internship.. an without hesitation, he gave me $150.. hehe $50 more...

So I went to compass point to buy some office wear.. so sianz,, didn't want to explore around, so went straight to G2000.. So good, buy one and 50% off for the second shirt/pants.. the deal is even better than when it's during the great singapore sales.. strange sia.. think it's good for me coz i'm intending to buy 2 or 3 business pants... I bought 2 grey long pants.. each of different design and different shades of grey.. haha.. wanted to buy black.. then no more, and after I tried, realize that grey is nice.. hee.. nicer than black.. only costed me $69 for 2...for the shirt, will leave until i start work then buy.. not sure if can wear short sleeve shirt or not...so just wear the 2 long sleeves i have first...

Then walked around compass point...suddenly dun feel like buying anything.. dun wanna spend so much money... haha,, that's strange for me... anyway, I also bought a small bottle of aromatherapy oil.."Sleepwell" blend... keke.. trying to regulate my sleeping habit back to normall.. but dun seem to be able to sleep before 3 am.. hopefully this will work...

Then went to polar cake shop to buy an eclair and durian cream puff for dinner.. the sales assistant quite rude sia.. talking about service.. compass point MOS burger cashier also not good in their service.. I ordered peach tea, thought that it came with the milk... mix up la.. then i asked for a milk.. she said "cannot, you asked for peach tea, not milk tea" (the ice milk tea is the same, also come in peach or normal tea mah, just that it's with milk pack".. obviously I ordered wrongly rite... before i even wanted to ask for a change.. just give me the milk and i pay more...she shut me down liao.. turn off.. the peach tea is so sour and acidic sia... well the rude ones happened to be aunties.. haiz...

Me using the aromatherapy oil le.. so nice.."100% pure essential oil s blend of lavender, melissa, marjoram sweet and orange" wah, so many things.. feeling sleepy le,, haha just kidding.. hahaha

Well going to watch Tsubasa Chronicle episode 2 now... byebyez=]

ahhh.. am i paranoid?!!!!

I keep thinking of the results, whenever my mind is free.... Keep worrying that I can't all A or Zs... Revisited my coursework grades... like kinda wasted if I dun get alot of Zs or all As.. However, I was so damn slack during the exams period... practically didn;t revised much... then now, worry so much... Thinking back... i really deserved a slap during the revision week... Did so well for coursework, then the main exams, didn't study hard.. then make my Z dream so shaky and uncertain...

Although I know that I can do all the papers, but considering the very last min revision, I might do something wrong without realizing... and MM 10 marks gone le, dun think the rest are full marks for tt paper.. Well my Z hope for tt paper is moderation... haha.. i know it's bad.. but..

Regretful, regretted.. should have put in my 100% for the revision.... should have follow the revision plan, which included 2 weeks of revision... ahhh.. now it's too late.... shall anticipate with excitement and worries for the RESULTS.. can't wait for the revelation... I can't stand guessing what my results will be???? All Zs, hip hip hurray hurray hurray, All As thank god, some Bs.. cryz...

Ok, I'm mad, ignore me.. so late le dun sleep go and think so much about results.. something tt's already fixed, but yet to announce..hmmmmmm...

Let's divert.............

My anime downloading list is so so long... yeah!!!. Now catching 3 anime titles... As usual the great BLEACH, and Suzuka (which i discovered during the revision week, ops) and another one which I found today... Tsubasa Chronicle.. saw the pic of the anime, nice, and cute..and captured my attention... the bittorrent is until episode 21.. haha.. I'm downloading 10 one shot now.. still downloading... should I leave it overnight to download then i sleep.. haha but scare my cute precious laptop explodes.. Du Ba Bommmm!!! haha choi, touch wood...

The bottomline is, I'm a real serious super addicted anime fan..... Last time got control coz no money to buy alot.. now got to know Bittorent and animesuki... the portal to unlimited animes.. haha so cannot control my interest for anime... haha..hahahahahahha

Bleach Rulez!!!!!

Haha, blogging days have returned..

So how shall I spend my precious 1 week holidays before the internship??

Ermmmmz, guess I will just rest at home, haha, no place to go anyway and low on cash.. haiz... Taxi fare is draining away my fund.. sheesh.. Calculated, if i dun take cabs, i'll be damn rich sia..well can't help me.. travelling is kinda taxing for me.. especially when i need to change buses and use multi-model transport.. Wonder how am i going to survive travelling for my SIP... hope they can attach me to changi airport.. haha just take mrt directly to their basement and I'm at work place le.. Just dun send me to those ulu places, where i have to take many buses.. I dun like buses.. although they are better at offering "door-to-door services" in relative to train. haha ofcourse, taxi is stil the best, but flipside is it's too expensive.. ahhh.. I need concession for cabs.... haha, i'm talking crap here..

Seriously, i'm really looking forward to the SIP, hope i can excel there and get a pass with commendation.. hehe=]

Hurray!!! Exams have just finished, yesterday at 11.30 pm.. haha.. A period of guilt and self-reproach has finally passed.. why not stress rite? haha..

Well well, for this examination period, i have not been exactly revising.. Guess average for a subject, i only spent less than a day, effectively revising.. Most are last min, really last min revision.. haha.. I'm shocked at this phenomenon... Even though i've been telling myself to revise the whole day everyday, it didn't seem to be going into my head... When ever I flip open my book, i started stoning, and then easily very easily distracted to do other things..

I've never experience such slackness before.. Last time, the worse, i'll still spend 2 or 3 days revising for each subjects.. and would revise for at least half a day.. more than 6 hours.. haha.. I'm getting out of hand, it's because of complacency or, something's wrong with my motivation or brain.. haha..

Well, fortunately, the good things about year 3 subjects is that as long as you understand the subjects reasonably well, you can do the papers.. At least I was able to do all the questions, or rather i know how to do all/most of the questions, except MM which i know how to do, but no time..haiz.. anyway, it's over...

Right now having my one week break before going for my internship, at "God knows what" company.. waiting to be announced.. haha... At the same time, I'm waiting for my results which will be released on 23 Sep 2005..Next Friday.. haha, I shall keep my fingers crosses.. Shit, I've actually set a target of all Zs this semester(in fact i do it all the sems, haha). Will I be able to reach my goals of getting my 20 distinctions by this sem? I need 4 more to reach this goal...I Prayz=]

oh no, what have i been doing during the study week, i have been practically slacking the whole week, especially daytime.. i ended up only revising between 12 am to 4 am.. barely 4 hours a day..and worse, during the 4 hours, i'm not really studying...

Everyday when i wake up, i planned to start revising seriously during the daytime,, and planned to study continuously throughout the day..... but i've not yet realized this plan, even though it's already mon, i've having exams starting on wed.. and wed,thurs, fri is packed with 4 papers,,,, I know it, i know that if i dun start to revise seriously, i'll be courting doom... and i'll lose my distinction dream.. but i can't control myself, i can;'t concentrate.. i get distracted easily.. i get sleepy when i get near the notes and books.. WHAT on EARTH am i doing? exam is so near, and i still dun feel the urgency yet... everyone is revising so hard, but i'm slacking all the way? GOSH, Someone pls wake me up.. slap me, splash me whatever... i just wanna start to revise efficiently...

My precious brain, pls start working now... i've got no time to waste now..... if i dun start revising, i'll not do so well in exams.. pls, grant my wish...thanks alot...